So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
