i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
