How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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