Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
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WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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