we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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