some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she woke up with a sticky ear
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you didnt know i had herpes?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
