They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
