So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
