would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
