I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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