I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
