Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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