I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
