I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I want a musical about memes.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
