I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
