I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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