Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
