Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
