Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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