I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
