shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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