Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
