I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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