I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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