I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
