After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
