Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
