If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
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