I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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