sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
