im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize