Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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