Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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