Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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