He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
