So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
