It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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