How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
