Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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