I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
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