This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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