mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
