Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
