just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
