woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
