ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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