Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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