I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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