Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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