Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
