I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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