this beer tastes like vomit already
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Dicks are not precious.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
