my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Are my feet made of real feet?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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