I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You are the jesus of drinking
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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