Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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