So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
