Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
