I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
