Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
