i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
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Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
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The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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